Communication Conundrum

May 30, 2017

Communication is so important and should be more highly valued. Words (or lack thereof) are so powerful.

They have the power to make you feel beautiful or ugly.

They have the power to lift you up or tear you down.

They have the power to help you persevere in the face of adversity or quit.

Ultimately, however, we choose how words (or lack of) impact us, even if the words uttered are not true, and that is the part with which I struggle. I like words. I use them often and freely. I do my best to let people know what I think of them, whether good, bad, or indifferent. I like to think of myself as a straight shooter. If I stop talking or writing, that may be a red flag. In describing myself in the aforementioned manner, I also realize that my words may have had a negative impact on some, but I think that is ok, and here is why. At the end of the day, even when the most hurtful words are used it allows insight into someone's truth. Even though tears may stream from my eyes if told I look fat, or ugly, or my makeup is a mess, or I am a horrible teacher, or called that disgusting C word in public for all to hear (yes, that happened) or whatever other negative(s) may get strewn out, I would much rather know the truth or "truth" (even if it is an altered truth spoken/yelled in the heat of a moment). The problem comes in figuring out if the (what be deemed as hurtful words) are being used as an attack or in a manner to help me improve, and to figure that out I just have to use my overthinking brain, and that can sometimes lead to anxiety. Of course, sometimes it is very easy to tell the difference. So, if I for sure know the words are a simple attack and not a reflection of me but the other person, why do these words impact me so much? Because I want people to like me? I want to be accepted? I don't like being disliked or hated? I am sure that is part of it, but definitely not the whole story, because, at 36, I KNOW there will be people who dislike or hate me or feel threatened by me and whatever else.

And even though I would like to think I am a good judge of character and know what true friendship or feelings are, I have had those beliefs abruptly uprooted at times, which has caused these ideas and definitions to change. This evolution of figuring out what is a true friend? What does true love look like or how does it feel? How do you know when to move on in any aspect of life? is a work in progress, and a work that for many continues forever, and that is a good thing, because people grow, they change, they progress, heck, they may even regress and as the morphing takes place, the position of us in their lives or them in our lives my be modified too.

So how do I meet in the middle of caring just enough and not too much or not too little. This I do not have the answer for. I recently read Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and it definitely put some concepts in perspective; however, I know I did not take away everything I could from my initial reading, so I am excited to revisit the book with pen in hand. Even though self-help books are great (sometimes) at the end of the day it is just experience that helps us to deal with the cards, good or bad, and even though words are definitely important, sometimes other aspects speak more loudly, but I am a firm believe that words and actions both need to be there (and match up) for true understanding to be found in any situation.