July Rantings...Er...I Mean...July Reflections.
July has been a good month to me for several reasons.
1. I got to go on vacation to St. Augustine with my family, catch up with some friends, and this is where I started running for the first time in quite a while.
2. I got to go to Niagra Falls (with most excellent company) and experience how beautiful and awesome mother nature is and be reminded of how small I am in this whole game of life.
3. My running went from non-existent to capping at just above 80 miles (82.9 miles to be exact) for the month (a few were even with my mini-me and on the trails).
So all in all I have no room to complain; however, because I am always honest and open (perhaps so much so that it can be deemed a fault) I will share some of my frustrations and what I am learning.
To begin, it has been roughly three months that I have not had full mobility in my left leg. This is frustrating. The easiest way for me to test my mobility is by trying to get into the one yoga pose I love, and find so relaxing: child's pose. However, this pose is a no-go, still. I miss being able to walk up and down stairs, run, and do other normal day-to-day things without a tinge of pain or abnormal feeling.
Patience...it is a virtue (or something) and I am trying so hard to continue on this path of patience. Everyone keeps telling me mobility will come back as will my endurance and muscle memory; however, after four weeks, I am not so sure about that. I have had some decent runs (for which I am thankful) and I have had some that have had me in tears, again humbling me. And yes, I suppose in being humbled, I realize how far I have slipped, and that is ok. I know I have the ability to progress (but maybe not until I get my leg's mobility back). I need to appreciate the 5.5 road miles or 6.5 trail miles I ran this past week and not think about the 80-something I ran three years ago to the day in a 100 mile attempt. But how do you separate the past and present? This is where I am struggling. How do you appreciate and succumb to the now while still planning for the future, because that is exactly what I am: a planner. I am not a fly by the seat of my pants and hope it works out for the best kind of girl. I give 110% in everything I do from running, to work, to relationships. I work to be the best I can be in all facets of my life, and that requires putting my nose to the grind and coming up with a plan and enjoying watching the progress and plan unfold, and of course, reassessing when things go off-track.
Eating...I do good and then I do bad; I am understanding I am most definitely now (at the at of 36) an emotional eater. Back in the day I used to be a non-eater, which strangely enough, when I didn't eat...like anything...is when I was at my strongest running...go figure...but I need to find balance. I need to have a plan, but I feel so lost in so many areas of my life that it is kind of over-whelming....and the food is always there for me at the end of the day when I feel so many other things aren't.
I spent a few hours researching a possible career change the other day, but pretty much came to the realization that I would have to quit my job to pursue something new, and that is just not feasible for me, which once again left me frustrated. I love my current job, but sometimes I feel like something bigger is calling me to make a difference in the lives of others.
And then why does everything in life have to be a metaphor for something else. Patience, perseverance, being true to you....that is what needs to happen not just in my running life, but also my personal and professional life. I know I am a good person with so much to give...and in order to be truly happy, I will continue to be patient, persevere, and be true to me.
I want to be the best possible me...for me and for others. I want people to love and appreciate me for me...the me now...not the me last year, or four years ago, or ten years ago, but for right now...and now...and now...
As I am re-reading this (I wrote it on 7/30/17) I realize perhaps there is a bit of a grouchy undertone to it...that is something that is definitely not me...so, for that, I apologize; however, I am not going to go back and edit it.
1. I got to go on vacation to St. Augustine with my family, catch up with some friends, and this is where I started running for the first time in quite a while.
2. I got to go to Niagra Falls (with most excellent company) and experience how beautiful and awesome mother nature is and be reminded of how small I am in this whole game of life.
3. My running went from non-existent to capping at just above 80 miles (82.9 miles to be exact) for the month (a few were even with my mini-me and on the trails).
So all in all I have no room to complain; however, because I am always honest and open (perhaps so much so that it can be deemed a fault) I will share some of my frustrations and what I am learning.
To begin, it has been roughly three months that I have not had full mobility in my left leg. This is frustrating. The easiest way for me to test my mobility is by trying to get into the one yoga pose I love, and find so relaxing: child's pose. However, this pose is a no-go, still. I miss being able to walk up and down stairs, run, and do other normal day-to-day things without a tinge of pain or abnormal feeling.
Patience...it is a virtue (or something) and I am trying so hard to continue on this path of patience. Everyone keeps telling me mobility will come back as will my endurance and muscle memory; however, after four weeks, I am not so sure about that. I have had some decent runs (for which I am thankful) and I have had some that have had me in tears, again humbling me. And yes, I suppose in being humbled, I realize how far I have slipped, and that is ok. I know I have the ability to progress (but maybe not until I get my leg's mobility back). I need to appreciate the 5.5 road miles or 6.5 trail miles I ran this past week and not think about the 80-something I ran three years ago to the day in a 100 mile attempt. But how do you separate the past and present? This is where I am struggling. How do you appreciate and succumb to the now while still planning for the future, because that is exactly what I am: a planner. I am not a fly by the seat of my pants and hope it works out for the best kind of girl. I give 110% in everything I do from running, to work, to relationships. I work to be the best I can be in all facets of my life, and that requires putting my nose to the grind and coming up with a plan and enjoying watching the progress and plan unfold, and of course, reassessing when things go off-track.
Eating...I do good and then I do bad; I am understanding I am most definitely now (at the at of 36) an emotional eater. Back in the day I used to be a non-eater, which strangely enough, when I didn't eat...like anything...is when I was at my strongest running...go figure...but I need to find balance. I need to have a plan, but I feel so lost in so many areas of my life that it is kind of over-whelming....and the food is always there for me at the end of the day when I feel so many other things aren't.
I spent a few hours researching a possible career change the other day, but pretty much came to the realization that I would have to quit my job to pursue something new, and that is just not feasible for me, which once again left me frustrated. I love my current job, but sometimes I feel like something bigger is calling me to make a difference in the lives of others.
And then why does everything in life have to be a metaphor for something else. Patience, perseverance, being true to you....that is what needs to happen not just in my running life, but also my personal and professional life. I know I am a good person with so much to give...and in order to be truly happy, I will continue to be patient, persevere, and be true to me.
I want to be the best possible me...for me and for others. I want people to love and appreciate me for me...the me now...not the me last year, or four years ago, or ten years ago, but for right now...and now...and now...
As I am re-reading this (I wrote it on 7/30/17) I realize perhaps there is a bit of a grouchy undertone to it...that is something that is definitely not me...so, for that, I apologize; however, I am not going to go back and edit it.
I am me.
I am honest.
I am kind.
I (can be) silly.
I am a planner.
I am a give everything-er.
Those characteristics will not change...EVER.
...on to August
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