The Beauty of Being Beautiful
According to dictionary.com, beautiful means pleasing the senses or mind aesthetically where as beauty is defined as a combination of qualities including shape color or form that please the senses, especially the sense of sight.
Well, heck, I honestly was not expecting that last part of the definition of beauty.
So....now where to start....
It is almost time to go back to school, which means another round of cleaning out clothes. This habit of mine often leads to tears, and this time proved no exception. I am fat (overweight, big-boned, thick...whatever term you want to use, it all means the same...). You can disagree with me, but most of you are probably just disagreeing with the intent of "it's what I want to hear", and most of you who will disagree don't really know me. As much as the truth hurts, it is always better to hear it.
*I wrote this blog last week, the * part is new*. I went to the Dr. today; he didn't pull any punches. He told me I could stand to lose about 40 pounds, and that that extra weight is definitely playing into my sustained injury. I am not sure I am willing to lose 40, but I know I definitely need to lose weight to start feeling better about myself and to help in my athletic endeavors. So how much will I lose? How do you really answer that. I mean, we have to start with something doable. I plan to lose ten pounds and then will re-evaluate.*
I really don't know what else to write. I can write about how I am beautiful on the inside, and I am passionate about my job, and I am caring and sweet, and considerate, but I don't know how much of that really counts at the end of the day. Because even in being nice, and sweet and caring and enthusiastic about one's profession, those qualities are rarely met with reciprocity in society.
I mean, aren't most people attracted to others by looks? I think it is safe to say once a person deems another (physically) attractive by their norms and society's norms, then they (may) find out other qualities about the other that will continue to enhance the attraction, but it almost always starts based on looks.
Some days I think I am beautiful, but telling myself that is not always enough. And sometimes when I do feel beautiful there is no kind of reinforcement, which makes me feel poorly about myself. I mean, I get it. You should not always need someone else to boost you up, but it is nice when people who truly care about you try to raise you up and help you see what you may not always see (whether it be outside or inside beauty). Some may argue you choose how you feel, but I really don't think that is always the case; sometimes emotions just take over and even if you want to suppress them or disagree with them they find a way to make themselves heard.
I like the above quote. Where I do believe there is something to be said for being physically attractive at first, that does not equate to good and pure and true happiness. The heart and soul are what need to be happy at the end of the day. This dynamic duo needs to be so passionately set aflame that nothing can reduce it to a fleck. It should rage and spark and catch you off guard.
Some of us are beautifully broken. Putting the pieces together and getting on the right track can be hard when you feel like you are fighting alone and that you will never be good enough...for a myriad of things.
So yeah, today (when I originally wrote this and today at/after the doctor) may have brought tears...lots of them...but that is ok. I know I am to blame for how I feel based on choices I have made (I really wish I didn't like food, because it would make this so much easier.But heck, I love a challenge...), and I need to be the one to take control of the reigns to help right the ship and bring back some of the beautiful.
For the time being, while I continue working on bringing the (outside) beautiful back as my inside beautiful has and will always stay in-tact, I would like to introduce you to a new word...a word that I do feel I always embody:
Well, heck, I honestly was not expecting that last part of the definition of beauty.
So....now where to start....
It is almost time to go back to school, which means another round of cleaning out clothes. This habit of mine often leads to tears, and this time proved no exception. I am fat (overweight, big-boned, thick...whatever term you want to use, it all means the same...). You can disagree with me, but most of you are probably just disagreeing with the intent of "it's what I want to hear", and most of you who will disagree don't really know me. As much as the truth hurts, it is always better to hear it.
*I wrote this blog last week, the * part is new*. I went to the Dr. today; he didn't pull any punches. He told me I could stand to lose about 40 pounds, and that that extra weight is definitely playing into my sustained injury. I am not sure I am willing to lose 40, but I know I definitely need to lose weight to start feeling better about myself and to help in my athletic endeavors. So how much will I lose? How do you really answer that. I mean, we have to start with something doable. I plan to lose ten pounds and then will re-evaluate.*
I really don't know what else to write. I can write about how I am beautiful on the inside, and I am passionate about my job, and I am caring and sweet, and considerate, but I don't know how much of that really counts at the end of the day. Because even in being nice, and sweet and caring and enthusiastic about one's profession, those qualities are rarely met with reciprocity in society.
I mean, aren't most people attracted to others by looks? I think it is safe to say once a person deems another (physically) attractive by their norms and society's norms, then they (may) find out other qualities about the other that will continue to enhance the attraction, but it almost always starts based on looks.
Some days I think I am beautiful, but telling myself that is not always enough. And sometimes when I do feel beautiful there is no kind of reinforcement, which makes me feel poorly about myself. I mean, I get it. You should not always need someone else to boost you up, but it is nice when people who truly care about you try to raise you up and help you see what you may not always see (whether it be outside or inside beauty). Some may argue you choose how you feel, but I really don't think that is always the case; sometimes emotions just take over and even if you want to suppress them or disagree with them they find a way to make themselves heard.
I like the above quote. Where I do believe there is something to be said for being physically attractive at first, that does not equate to good and pure and true happiness. The heart and soul are what need to be happy at the end of the day. This dynamic duo needs to be so passionately set aflame that nothing can reduce it to a fleck. It should rage and spark and catch you off guard.
Some of us are beautifully broken. Putting the pieces together and getting on the right track can be hard when you feel like you are fighting alone and that you will never be good enough...for a myriad of things.
So yeah, today (when I originally wrote this and today at/after the doctor) may have brought tears...lots of them...but that is ok. I know I am to blame for how I feel based on choices I have made (I really wish I didn't like food, because it would make this so much easier.But heck, I love a challenge...), and I need to be the one to take control of the reigns to help right the ship and bring back some of the beautiful.
For the time being, while I continue working on bringing the (outside) beautiful back as my inside beautiful has and will always stay in-tact, I would like to introduce you to a new word...a word that I do feel I always embody:
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