The Quiet Struggle
WARNING: If you do not want to read about (my) health struggle do NOT READ THIS POST...
Hi there! It has been quite a while since I have sat down and had a conversation with myself; yet, here I am. I am not sure why today is the day the conversation is restarting. I am not sure what I am hoping to get out of the conversation (perhaps just a way to allow for others, and myself, to understand the struggles that have been going on. I am not sure whether people even care (and it is fine if they don't).
This post will be transparent, and that will lead some to negative talk me to my face, but more likely behind my back, and that too is ok. One thing I try to preach is that you are always going to be on someone's list, for whatever reason. The haters are going to hate, but the true friends (and family) will be there with you every step of the way. I have not had many people with me on this journey the past 4 months because I don't spill what is going on in my life, but exhausted and trying to find a way to reconnect with myself and help myself, the words begin to drip.
Headaches....
Irregular Periods...
Sadness...
Tears....
Nightmares...
Stress Fracture...
Weight Gain....
Sleeplessness...
Sounds fun, doesn't it? This has been my life for the past 4 months, but before I get to these months let me quickly explain I have always struggled with period irregularity which has led to trying birth control to alleviate problems. There was a period of about 3 years where I was issue free, but fast forward to four months ago when my issues flared up (in the past 1-1.5 years) the worst I have experienced.
For those of you who do not really KNOW me, you may not know my love of running (last year I ran 1350) miles. This has been the norm for the past nine-ish years, which makes the period issue that much more perplexing. In the past 4 months I have had my period for 14 days, 20 days, 5 days, and 14 days. This is not normal. When I went to my ObGyn I was put on one type of birth control pill and was told I had to wait out the three month trial to see how my body would respond. I questioned this due to the side effects (if there is a side effect, I get it...times ten). I was told there would be no issues...Month one I was sick every day and had my period for 14 days. Month two I had my period for 20 days. Month three I thought there was some sort of a bronze lining as my sickness subsided and I only had my period for 5 days; however, as I neared the end of my period I had the onset of excruciating and debilitating migraines and sickness. After going back to the doctor she decided this was not the right fit. She really wanted me to get an IUD, but my female parts align in a 90 degree angle which meant I was not a candidate. Therefore, I started lo loestrin FE and was told side effects would be minimal and spotting would be a definite. I have had more migraines this month than ever. I had my period for 14 days (again)...not good. On top of that I am moody, can't sleep, have gained a substantial amount of weight, have suffered a stress fracture that I can't get to heal (I haven't run for 9 weeks), have had horrible nightmares on an almost nightly basis, and am always tired.
I don't feel like myself in any way. At work I am able to mask my symptoms, and "fake it til I make it". It is almost like my body knows I can't call off all the time and allows me to get through the school day, but once I hit the car for the drive home, my body and all the negative effects come rushing in at once. It is exhausting. It is exhausting not knowing what is wrong. It is exhausting having more bad days than good. It is exhausting pretending like everything is ok (health wise). I am exhausted.
Being sick and exhausted has made me miss out on some fun activities...like when I had to miss Zion playing against the Cavs due to sickness and a migraine. I have had invites from people to do fun activities, like glow snow tubing, but I have to say no because I can't risk it being a bad day. It is not fun to not be able to live the life you want to lead.
I have to thank one of my best friends in the whole world, Caitlin Sapp, for always listening to me; she is one of the few people who really know everything that goes on in my life. She is responsible for encouraging me to reach out to an endocrinologist, with whom I have an appointment on Thursday, and although I know I won't get answers on the 27th, I am hopeful it will be the start of truly finding the old me and rectifying the words that dripped above. It is exhausting to be someone other than who you are, but the last four months I have not had much of a say.
I am going to keep you updated on my journey as it progresses; check back soon.
In the meantime, I sure could use some positive vibes.
Hi there! It has been quite a while since I have sat down and had a conversation with myself; yet, here I am. I am not sure why today is the day the conversation is restarting. I am not sure what I am hoping to get out of the conversation (perhaps just a way to allow for others, and myself, to understand the struggles that have been going on. I am not sure whether people even care (and it is fine if they don't).
This post will be transparent, and that will lead some to negative talk me to my face, but more likely behind my back, and that too is ok. One thing I try to preach is that you are always going to be on someone's list, for whatever reason. The haters are going to hate, but the true friends (and family) will be there with you every step of the way. I have not had many people with me on this journey the past 4 months because I don't spill what is going on in my life, but exhausted and trying to find a way to reconnect with myself and help myself, the words begin to drip.
Headaches....
Irregular Periods...
Sadness...
Tears....
Nightmares...
Stress Fracture...
Weight Gain....
Sleeplessness...
Sounds fun, doesn't it? This has been my life for the past 4 months, but before I get to these months let me quickly explain I have always struggled with period irregularity which has led to trying birth control to alleviate problems. There was a period of about 3 years where I was issue free, but fast forward to four months ago when my issues flared up (in the past 1-1.5 years) the worst I have experienced.
For those of you who do not really KNOW me, you may not know my love of running (last year I ran 1350) miles. This has been the norm for the past nine-ish years, which makes the period issue that much more perplexing. In the past 4 months I have had my period for 14 days, 20 days, 5 days, and 14 days. This is not normal. When I went to my ObGyn I was put on one type of birth control pill and was told I had to wait out the three month trial to see how my body would respond. I questioned this due to the side effects (if there is a side effect, I get it...times ten). I was told there would be no issues...Month one I was sick every day and had my period for 14 days. Month two I had my period for 20 days. Month three I thought there was some sort of a bronze lining as my sickness subsided and I only had my period for 5 days; however, as I neared the end of my period I had the onset of excruciating and debilitating migraines and sickness. After going back to the doctor she decided this was not the right fit. She really wanted me to get an IUD, but my female parts align in a 90 degree angle which meant I was not a candidate. Therefore, I started lo loestrin FE and was told side effects would be minimal and spotting would be a definite. I have had more migraines this month than ever. I had my period for 14 days (again)...not good. On top of that I am moody, can't sleep, have gained a substantial amount of weight, have suffered a stress fracture that I can't get to heal (I haven't run for 9 weeks), have had horrible nightmares on an almost nightly basis, and am always tired.
I don't feel like myself in any way. At work I am able to mask my symptoms, and "fake it til I make it". It is almost like my body knows I can't call off all the time and allows me to get through the school day, but once I hit the car for the drive home, my body and all the negative effects come rushing in at once. It is exhausting. It is exhausting not knowing what is wrong. It is exhausting having more bad days than good. It is exhausting pretending like everything is ok (health wise). I am exhausted.
Being sick and exhausted has made me miss out on some fun activities...like when I had to miss Zion playing against the Cavs due to sickness and a migraine. I have had invites from people to do fun activities, like glow snow tubing, but I have to say no because I can't risk it being a bad day. It is not fun to not be able to live the life you want to lead.
I have to thank one of my best friends in the whole world, Caitlin Sapp, for always listening to me; she is one of the few people who really know everything that goes on in my life. She is responsible for encouraging me to reach out to an endocrinologist, with whom I have an appointment on Thursday, and although I know I won't get answers on the 27th, I am hopeful it will be the start of truly finding the old me and rectifying the words that dripped above. It is exhausting to be someone other than who you are, but the last four months I have not had much of a say.
I am going to keep you updated on my journey as it progresses; check back soon.
In the meantime, I sure could use some positive vibes.
Sending love and hugs!
ReplyDelete