Searching For Allison

Sometimes we fight too hard for something from which no good can come. Sometimes we don't fight hard enough for what could be one of the best aspects of our life.  I find this is especially true in friendships, love, and athletics. In 36 years, I know there is no formula, there is no flashing neon lights to help guide the way.  We simply have our mind, our heart, and our intuition.  And those three things can be a deadly combination, often at odds with one another.  However, through trial and error, clarity often does start to creep into one's decision making. Nothing in life that is good or true is easy, and it is in that fight, where the end result will be the best thing to happen to you, that you often find yourself, and perhaps even what was missing for oh so many years. ...like smiling bigger and broader than normal ...like going out of your way to do something out of want, not necessity ...like finding so much joy and happiness in the smallest of...

Communication is so important and should be more highly valued.  Words (or lack thereof) are so powerful. They have the power to make you feel beautiful or ugly. They have the power to lift you up or tear you down. They have the power to help you persevere in the face of adversity or quit. Ultimately, however, we choose how words (or lack of) impact us, even if the words uttered are not true, and that is the part with which I struggle.  I like words. I use them often and freely. I do my best to let people know what I think of them, whether good, bad, or indifferent. I like to think of myself as a straight shooter. If I stop talking or writing, that may be a red flag.  In describing myself in the aforementioned manner, I also realize that my words may have had a negative impact on some, but I think that is ok, and here is why.  At the end of the day, even when the most hurtful words are used it allows insight into someone's truth.  Even thou...

That is a strange entry for a blog post, isn't it? Well, today, I was reminded, after a whirlwind of a day, that there are some people who impact you in big ways, perhaps without meaning to do so, or believing they have the impact they do.  These people are the most amazing because they are selfless, reassuring, and listen and answer questions that may be silly or dumb.  They don't look down on you, and they like you for you and see the good in you, even if you can't always see it. I am thankful for this soft walker, and I would like to think the person knows how positively I have been impacted.  It is in these crazy, turbulent days where you aren't sure you want to smile, or find three good things to write in your gratitude journal, that soft walkers make the smile not only come out but broaden with each passing minute and help you write a page in your gratitude journal. I am lucky. I am thankful. I am happy And yes, my smile is a sincere one. I can only hope...

Smiling...it is how you show the world you are happy, that you love all facets of your life: career, friends, family, relationship, extracurriculars, and any other part of who you are. I smile, and I smile a lot--some would say I am one of the happiest and positive people they know, and I think, for the most part, this is an accurate statement. Please know though that smiles are often masks that are used to hide a sadness, a weakness, a crushing event.  Smiles can be used to fool a world that bases so much off of superficial assumptions.  Smiles help people to avoid hard topics.  Smiles help people to not inconvenience others. The hard part is that when you are known as a generally happy person, people do not know what to do when one's guard is dropped and other (true) emotions shine through. I am a firm believer that one does not need a large circle of friends, but rather a select few who will always reach out and know what to do and what to say.  Yes, ...

So, yesterday, I got on the scale. Good move?  Bad move? There are so many different views on how to use the scale as a tool for success vs. the toss the scale out the window theories. Regardless of the above quote, I find I need the scale. Even though it is not a 100% accurate representation in progress, it is still needed to monitor and keep me accountable. Of course, that accountability is only a reality if I actually STEP on the scale (which I don't always do). And of course, there is a reason for that, as I know the number will cause a breakdown. I have let myself go. Life, stress, denial, perhaps a brief bout of a semi-depression may all be reasons that attribute to my current state. But it is HARD! It is HARD to care some days, especially on a day you have really tried for a period of time and have yielded ZERO results other than battling a minor injury which has caused my running to be almost non-existent. So, back to that getting on the scale thing yesterd...